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Self Care Tips

To Tell Your Truth, Part Two

Karen Rowinsky - Wednesday, May 02, 2018

Telling, or not telling, your truth is a choice. Sometimes it can be risky, sometimes a relief. The key is acknowledging your power to choose and in knowing the benefits and consequences of your choice. Your truth is yours to give, or not. 

This weeks' tip is how to risk telling your truth in relationships that have the possibility of becoming important, or are important, to you.

In the Beginning - From today onward, realize that everything you say or do at the beginning of a relationship impacts the trust that builds throughout the lifetime of it. Whether it is a possible love interest or a friendship, if there is chemistry, most of us will show our truth based on what we think the other wants it to be. This gets us into trouble later on when we admit that we aren't who we presented ourselves to be. Our partner or friend is left wondering what other truths they don't know about us. 

Risk telling your truth at the start of a relationship in the knowledge that it is nearly impossible to live a lie for a lifetime without making yourself miserable. If the prospective partner or friend can't take your truth, then he or she is not right for you.

During - Most of our important relationships can benefit from honesty. We know it by the number of times we start a sentence with, "to tell you the truth" or "to be honest." Yet, many times we go along with something we don't want to do, or act in a way that is not comfortable, for the sake of harmony in the relationship. This can be okay sometimes but when the truth is important to you, not telling it impacts not only the relationship but your self-esteem. The risk might be as simple as discussing with a good friend the subject of truth and deciding together that your friendship would benefit from more honesty.

The risk in a marriage or love partnership is a little trickier. This is a time when a couples counselor can really help both of you find your way to being more authentic and to repair trust. If you are struggling in your relationship, being honest with yourself and your partner comes with risks and rewards. Be thoughtful about "spilling the beans." If the revelation is big or you are concerned your relationship can't handle it, you may want to talk with a therapist before taking the risk. 

Sometimes self care is hard. Remember, telling your truth is a gift to yourself and those you care about.

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